At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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