it hurts more in the daytime
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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