I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
