why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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