my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
