Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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