Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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