My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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