i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
