Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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