You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
