Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
