i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
