yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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