We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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