His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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