I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
