I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
