And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
