Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
