New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
