she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
