The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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