bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
