Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Even my vagina gasped.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
