Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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