just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
