the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize