i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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