I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
