This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
