you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
