At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
