I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
