Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize