I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
