WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
