oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
