Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
cat food counts as protein by the way
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
