he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
