Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
