508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize