I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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