The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
