nut hugger
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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