Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
