I hate your face
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
