YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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