At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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