my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
