let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
