It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
