Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
