Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
