every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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