I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
