dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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