you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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