do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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