I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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