I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
