Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
