It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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