go do what you do best...puke behind churches
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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