I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
