Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
