You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
