you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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