Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize