we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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