Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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