Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
stop calling my apartment porn island.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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