If that was your dad, he is hot
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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