I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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