Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize