HIV tests are more positive than that guy
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
