My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
