Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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