i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
