Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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