two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
