How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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