I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
