Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize