I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
