He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
