you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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