This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dear god my vagina.
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