my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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