I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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