Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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