I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize