The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
