i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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