Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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