She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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