he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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