p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
