I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize