lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
