I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sorry my hands just texted you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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