Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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