you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You are a genius and a whore.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
