Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
